Last grandparent has passed.

Grandmom Friend has passed.  94. She was the last of her generation in my line. The WW2 gen. Both my parents have brushed death in the last year. However both probably have at least another 10.  I'm a little less than half way through. I hope to see my kids grow up. I hope to see grandchildren.  A long way to go.

Mortality

In PA.  Mom was is the hospital for a week. Last Wednesday was the first time I really thought about my mom dying.  Everybody dies some time, but that time has always been far away in my mind.  Mom is out of the hospital now and God willing she will make a full recovery. But her mortality no longer feels far away in the nebulous future.  I hope she lives for many more years. However at this moment life's end feels more real.  I'm sure when a parent dies one's own mortality also feels closer. But for tonight that inevitable transition can drift off back into the future. 

Day one of journey into silence.

It is the travel day. Sunday. Attended Palm Sunday Mass with my brother. I drank coffee in the morning.  Kissed Jane and the kids good bye. I'm sitting in Lampass at a Mexican place. Awaiting my last rich meal, for the week. Thinking it strange that this waitress may likely be the last person I speak with for 5 days. 

Contemplation

God here is my stuff.  God here is my life.  God here is your love returned. 

Life expectancy

Took a few online quiz calculator. Earliest 74, latest 90.  First one was 88. Double my age is 70. Double my age is 69

Mr. Businessman

I had a stuffed animal that mildly resembled a potato the size of a watermelon wearing a stripped red and white necktie. I called him Mr. Businessman. I wasn't like other kids.  All the other boys in kindergarten loved the color blue. My favorite color was/is yellow. In elementary school when boys become obsessed with fast cars like the Porshe 911 or the Labergini Tresterosa.  I decided that when I grew up I would ride in a stretch limo. 

What are you?

What is your background?  History with a focus on Cold War era global social history. I did my capstone in peasant revolutions. However my graduate study was is marketing and strategy.  No I mean what is your family background? Catholic...Mostly. No I mean what is your ethnicity?  German mostly then Irish with a bit Czech or more precisely bohemian. No I mean is one of your parents black?  Eh... Not exactly. My Afro comes from my mom. Dominant gene from her mom. Who was literally off the boat German. She grew up on farm. She had never seen a black person until she came America.  300 year paternal family tree all Otto, John, Otto, John all the way back.  Somebody slept with the milk man?  Are you sure you are not black?  Well race is a social construct coined by Hagel and used to perpetuate colonialism. It has no basis in any modern scientific classification of people. And yet it is also very real. But in the subjective eye of the beholder. So if you perceive me to be black or mixed or light skinned. Then that is what I am. Eh I see you are already getting bored.  This is where the dialogue usually ends if it gets this far. I never get to the part about my cultural identity.   My story of racial identity. My affiliations. My take on privilege. My pride. My insecurities.  Your really just wanted a straightforward answer to the question: are you black?