In the time of the corona pandemic when mass gatherings are prohibited or least limited for the sake of slowing the spread of the Covid19 virus, we as a society many of us individually doubled down on socialization over the internet, via Zoom, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Macro Polo, email, and other communication applications. For me, at least after the initial few months of overexposure to screentime, these mediums have become less satisfying, comforting, and life-giving and more a driver of anxiety.
Jane and I recently watched the Netflix documentary The Social Dilemma, about the additive design of social media and other internet communication platforms. This is stuff we knew from a variety of sources and personal experience, yet after watching the documentary we both felt that was time to heed the warnings and unplug a little.
As a person with a variety of addiction behaviors, this has meant starting a holistic step-down detox plan. When I quit smoking, which I have done many times in life(4+ years no cigs), I often replace the nicotine craving with a sugar fix, an equally deadly habit(death by diabetes vs lung cancer). So I came up with a detox fasting process that works for me. Over the course of a few months, I remove 1 additive habit per week, until I am ready to fast and pray. Usually goes something like cut out smoking, then booze, then coffee, then sugar, then processed foods, then meat, then I am ready to fast. Word to wise, if you detox and fast, don't end your fast with bacon-cheeseburger and CocaCola, ease back into a modern western lifestyle.
So for me reducing my addition to social media, I treated in a similar way. First I turned off Facebook and other social media push notifications. I only have push notifications on for apps that make me money. Next, I removed social media apps from my phone. The browser experience even on a phone is less addictive. Then I removed the home page links to social media so it takes one more step to access the sites. This puts them at a safe distance. Now I am trying to get in the practice of only checking social media from my Desktop and not my phone Than way I can do it on a weekly rather than daily basis. Or even if daily, not multiple times a day.
Why not cold turkey just delete the accounts. Well because I like most of yall use social media to connect with people that I love. Many of them at a distance. People I may not see for a few years, but still want to keep in contact with. I like seeing my old classmates post: Holloween and the first day of school pictures of their kids that I have never met but still somehow feel connected to. There are some family members I haven't seen in years that I enjoy seeing snippets of their lives. I do pray for old coworkers and acquaintances from past seasons of life when the post about troubles and illnesses they are facing. If social media was mostly this kind of stuff I would see the value in staying constantly connected, but the balance is off, at least for me. Too much advertising, sensational disinformation, and clickbait, and not enough real people I care about stuff, so smaller doses, moderation, and forming healthier habits.
Much like the sugar replacing the smoking issue over the past few weeks of less social media I did binge on video games. Specifically Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wind on my kid's Nintendo Switch. Thankfully with the help of youtube walk-throughs, I beat Calamity Gannon so now I am back reading real books made of paper and regaining a normal sleep schedule. Breaking additions is hard and there are temping dangers lurking. I am also trying to add healthy habits. This morning I ran (jog/walked). I started last Monday and followed up on Wednesday and Friday adding a block or two each day. Last week I couldn't run around my block without feeling like I was about to have a heart attack. This morning I actually felt pretty good. The total distance was about 3 miles: jogging one block then walking briskly one block. My goal is actually to jog 3 miles at a pretty good pace.
For Jane, it has been an interesting week. She doesn't have a range of addiction issues. She doesn't drink often or to access, she doesn't smoke, she doesn't stress eat. Social media is probably the only addiction she has. And it has been hard. There is a constant itch to check your phone. The irritability of that comes from not having little dopamine bumps. The need to find another outlet for low grade underlying anxiety, the realization that there are parts of every day that are boring. Even the people you love the most: spouse, kids, can be boring and frustrating. Without little distractions of social media, you have to feel these feels. It took me 15 years of false starts to quit smoking cigarettes, so this sort of detox irritability is familiar to me, but for Jane, it is the first time.
The fruits of social media detox are immediately apparent. Although we are both working through a little irritability, we have both paid way more sustained attention to our kids this week. That is good. We have talked about more important things, and we are both reading good books.
I write this as an encouragement to myself to keep forming healthier habits, and potentially as an inspiration to anyone that may actually read this. One of the side effects of unplugging from social media is loneliness. So, if you read this, reach out and message me let me know how you are doing. I want to hear from you. My email has been the same for over a decade matthewjjsherman@gmail.com, I also still check messaging and social media apps, just not every day. :)
