I am from - Poetic team building activity

I am from stealing warm gooey chocolate chip cookies,

While dodging, wooden spoon, wielded by callused hand grandma.

She never complained.

buried her husband,

buried her second husband,

buried her child,

buried her second child,

In a country that was not the place of her birth.   

Soul power skips a generation.

We dress our wounds daily.

We work as an expression of love.

We pray as a way of breathing.

I am from hand-me -downs, fixer-uppers, Home cook'n and Hard work'n.

I am from love, opportunity, camping, sports, piano lessons, choir singing, 

teachers that pushed me learn, parents who used both tough and soft love. 

Where I am from, gives context to who I choose to become. 

- Journal circa 2011 

little collection of funny poems

trouble getting up

Buzy, buzy, buzzing brain,

one might think myself insane.

I and me are hosting tea,

while future fights with memory.

It is just us so quiet down,

we have no time to laze around.

Reconciliation

I confess my confessions remain 

the same.  

In my heart and in my brain, 

nothing has changed.

My Philosophy does not save me.  

My faith does not endure. 

I give you this lord Jesus, 

I'm looking for a cure. 

Icelandic Reflections

Brits seem as out of place as Americans, 

in countries with softer languages.

I think I will bring home,

rocks and sweaters.

Short Story

Frustrated and overwhelmed, lost in thought circles, over eating, smoking, depressed and hopeless, I set out to climb the great mountain. The trail is steep, rocky, with dangerous precipices and loose footings. I drag my beaten body on with the hope that at the pinnacle I will find the holy guru. Far past many breaking points I finally reach the summit and take the last steps toward the hut of Saint Theresa Mohamed Gandhi King Jr.  

As my fist raises to knock on the door, it opens and still seated the guru asks, "Vat is your question?" I say, " What the fuck should I do with my life?" After a medium length meditative pause the guru responds, "How the fuck should I know?"  I immediately react by throwing my hands in the air and say, "You can't answer my question with a question, jerk!"  The guru just sighs and says, "Write to Dear Abby." Then after a pregnant pause says, "If that doesn't work, quit your job, have lots of sex, and take yourself out to dinner." Then more silence.

I breath in the pure mountain air and sip from my Evian bottle. The guru's eyes half close and she or maybe he (it is hard to tell) whispers...Go out and get really fucking drunk then while nursing your hangover write some new years resolutions.  I feel an anger rising inside me and I yell, " You are a god damn shame, a phony, a reclusive windbag!" The guru smiles and says, " I am a mirror. " Then disappears. The hut also vanishes and I am left looking out over a vast mountain range.  The sun is setting, painting colors across the landscape. 

-from a journal circa 2010 

Small collection of old poetry from an old journal

Reflection in Shackles 

Only self conscious in transition

While breaking tradition

Never thinking while in submission to a state

 of mind, 

of body, 

of time,

Far from sublime 

A waste of your line

Unfathomably blind

Lines I like from poems I don't

Not a priest minister monk of my fantasy

But a busted child in a man's body

Smelly birthday suit

Does skin look the same from the inside?

Spare parts to devices unknown

This shape must be useful

3 Death Poems 

1.

Beloved,

silent song,

won't be long,

Will I have fair for the boat?

two cents to put in,
will it all end...then begin?

Will I have a bone for Cerberus?

Or will I sacrifice a bone of my own? 

both joy and pain end,

rest in peace

2. 

How does it all go down?

With thunder, lightning, flood, fire and Crash!

...or during my lunch break , while I pick spinach from my teeth.

How does it all go down?

With love, fireworks, and happy endings

...or while sit waiting for the bus, pondering my finances.

How does it all go down?

At the end,

 when my work in done,

my pride is earned,

and everything is in place.

...or on a Wednesday after I've gone to bed,

 worried about tomorrow,

still mad at you.

It goes down every day.

I just don't see it,

most of the time.

3.

Waiting for checks,

to pay bills,

Bills check me.

Broke down budget.

Waiting comfortably.

Surrounded by rushed, 

tapping foot, 

shaky hand,

weight shifting nervous people.

Police lights outside say, "Emergency!"

my over caffeinated belly, but...calm,

Almost got hit by a car yesterday. 

Two haiku

Rain, Grey, Green, Cold, Wet

I don't want to go to work

warm feet, got to pee

You know bus don't go

You are mad, I'm not upset

Each day we are get'n there

excepts

No one knows what is good,

No one knows what is right,

I want to be no one.

Who will be the old man with the smile and the squinty eyes?

What do we loose by making everyone in our society into a business person?

Drifting day, loved, lost, loose

Beer in plastic glass tasty and cold

Wish you were here for the indescribable moments that are 

perfect, 

sad, 

euphoric, 

cool, 

whatever,

you weren't there and 

now I'm tired.

Strength, Power, and Courage 

are not a costume, a fashion, a look 

my actions ripple in both directions on the timeline,

my will is a pebble tossed in a placid pond,

dark thick fingers close on my world.

I am solid but bouncing within

breath...unfocus...silence

Swim without disturbing the surface,

Shift the level through displacement.

The box

-2, decks of cards (one red socks, one, photo of me and fatty as a kitten)...trash
-view finder with pic of her and I on a roller coaster...trash
- 1, egg crate flower, from when I begged for her forgiveness, after she dumped me, pre-engagement, both of us probably wish she had not taken me back...trash
- half ripped cover of her favorite book, which I read and was even more convinced that I loved her. ...trash
-small change purse, from 10,000 villages fair trade store, I bought her, she never used, with the receipt still inside.  In fact I'm not sure if I ever gave it to her.  ...give to thrift shop
- jade pendant, with silver dragon, first peice of jewelery I gave her, with some poetic speech about it symbolism. ...give to thrift shop
- the note I left on her door, that led to our first date   ...trash
-3 notes from her, that chronicle our early dating...trash
- a multi page note from me to her from the same period...trash
- 3 love letters from her on nice stationary, from early in the relationship ..trash
- type written letter from the time of our divorce, explaining why she was giving me all our old notes and love letters, also explaining that what we had was never love.   ...trash
- type written letter from our first breakup, a few years before, painful stuff, I wish I had known enough about myself, life, and her to have just let it be, rather than begging for her back, the relationship never recovered, I did not keep my promises...trash
- type written letter from when she took me back, and how our love would heal the wounds, it didn't...trash
- my journal from the time just before the breakup, the breakup and just after. Including some of the best interactions I had with my cousin who is now passed, sorry to lose these details of life...trash
- card from her during our engagement, with hopeful dreams of the future and speculation about where to go on our honeymoon, and a "grows in water" dream house...trash
- card with a picture of an African child, we sponsored a child, as a Christmas gift to each other...trash
- a thank you note from her to me for volunteering to help others, an atribute she appreciated about me...trash
- a long letter from me to her on our first anniversary...trash
- some other small notes from happier times...trash
- a note about what stuff I should take out of our house that was up for sale after our separation...trash
- my favorite picture of her in socks and sandels, wearing a mid length shirt, and a long sleeved sweater, in from a giant fiberglass dinsour, by a road side gas station....trash
- 4, letters from her to me when I was abroad for 6 months.  One containing a photo, old school selfie, actual film photo, pre digital.  ...trash
- our marriage enrichment kit, from premarital counseling and 10 children's drawning from her nephews... trash
- My pencil drawning of her with our cats, my charcoal drawing of her from one of our early dates, my first digital photograph of her....trash
- a marriage journel, in which we wrote each other notes...toward the end it was only me writing, the last note was after we were separated.  I didn't stop talking to the ghost of her for years.  ...trash
- the photo album from our wedding.  When I look at those pictures it is hard for me to believe that we were not truely in love.   ...trash
- the photo album of the pictures I couldn't part with, one she sent me, ones from our road trip, other ones from special times. ...trash
- a journal with periodic references to her, including 2 long letters, but also random notes, and lots of my poetry in it.  ...I think I'll keep this one, for now
- engagement ring, the setting was originally my grandmother's...painful, but I'll keep this.
- my wedding ring, this is symbol I'll keep to remember, although the feelings this symbol evokes are complex ...keep

Ten years since those contents went into that box.  I opened the box a lot in the beginning, then less and less, I hid the box away for a time in my brother's attic, for safekeeping.  It was no longer safe there so it went to my parent's attic.  They are planning to move to a retirement home.  It was time to empty the box.

V blog 3. #jobbertunity

Update and encouragement to entrepreneurs to get out there and Pitch!

5 Min in My Head VBLOG ep2

In this episode, I let you in on what I was thinking a few years ago.  This was a brilliant idea (I say so myself) but perhaps ahead on it time (not by much though).  The Idea was so good I forgot about it until a little over a year ago when my friend from grad school reminded me of it.  I was so inspired by the idea I had forgotten that I decided to make it real.  So that is what I'm working on now.     

Fasting and Prayer

Fasting and Prayer

Prosit (May this be for your benefit)

This will be the third year that I practice a fast. The first time was during the week of my 35th birthday, which also happened to be during Holy week. I went to the woods to meet Jesus Christ.  He told me His story and it was good. Last year I returned to nature to fast on the advice of my wife and I am glad that I did.

This year I started the fasting process bit late, but I am desperately in need of the Lord. I will again go to the woods to meet Christ Jesus in a few weeks. I plan to write a bit more about the experience later, but for now I just what to write down my general process.

I hope this my serve as a guide or inspiration for others that wish to seek the Lord through fasting and prayer.

Phase 1: Removing Luxuries

• Timing: I start some time within a week after new years day removing 1-2 luxury/vice/appetite per week.  This usually involves some withdrawal symptoms, such as irritability or changes in mood and/or energy levels.  Withdrawal is usually start 24-48 hours after the stimulant vice has been removed.  Withdrawal symptoms usually last 3 days.  So it helps to have 5-7 days between each vice removal to regain equilibrium, before hitting the next withdrawal period.  
• Order: I remove things from my life in order of difficulty.  Starting with the easier stuff and moving to the more difficult, for me to part with.  I find that I have a tendency to over compensate with remaining vices on the week I am removing one.  The rough order for me is smoking, coffee, alcohol, meat, sugar, television. (TV includes non work related internet entertainment such as YouTube and social media)
• Forgiveness: I try to drop 1-2 things per week leading up to the beginning of Lent (Ash Wednesday.) The general goal is to maintain abstinence from these luxuries/appetites during the period of lent.  However if I slip up, I find that forgiving myself and getting back on the path is more effective then berating myself and feeling guilty, which in my case usually lead to more vice indulgence, not less.  This year I started late, and that is OK.

Phase 2: Preparing for the fast.

• Subtraction: It may be good to remove some other foods or habits while staging down to the fast, but this is less critical then removing the major stimulant appetites.  A step down might look like removing wheat/refined flour from the diet, removing fish/seafood from the diet, removing eggs, removing dairy, going raw, then full fast.  At some point before and during the fast abstinence from sexual activity is also important.  This is very difficult for men.  It is easier to abstain from sexual activities and thoughts if you are already abstaining from other appetites and stimulants such as caffeine, simple sugars and fatty foods. 
• Addition: This is also a time of reflection, repentance, and reading.  I find it useful to journal, read religious texts, and take an account of my life.  Adding reading, journal writing, exercise and/or meditation fills the voids from TV and other vices.  This also helps me cope with the urges to self medicate with food or other vices.
• Preparations: If not already done, then this is also the time to make retreat arrangements.  In my case that means booking a primitive camp site that requires at least a 1 mile hike in.  I go during the week not the weekend.  This way I don't run into as many people and have the ability to maintain silence for a few days.

Phase 3:  The Fast/Retreat

• Location: There are retreat centers that offer guided retreats and nice places away from home to stay, such as vacation homes, but for me I find God in Nature.  Also I prefer the mountains over the ocean, but that is not what is important here.  What is important is that I go seeking God with ardent heart.  Also that the location afford long periods of time in silence, alone with the Lord.  For the past 2 years for me that means primitive camping.  At a hike-in site, with no amenities.
• Duration: I go for a week (5-7 days), because that is long enough to get out of my head and listen to the Lord, but also probably as long as I can reasonably leave my family and work at this stage of my life.  I have taken weekend guided group retreats before and find that they are great for fellowship, reflection and recharging.  However, I always felt that I just getting to God when the weekend was over.  Also. it seemed very difficult to bring the wisdom of the mountain back to the valley of my daily life.  This longer retreat with the long period of preparation seems to help me get closer to God and stay in God's presence and Glory longer before again being consumed by delusions of the world.  From the science side, fasts less then 3 days doesn't really get you there.  It is safe for most people to fast up to 40 days without any negative medical effects. (disclaimer: I got this "science" from a documentary on Netflix that looked at studies done in Germany and Russia.  In both cases they do not recommend fasting unsupervised. What do they know?)   
• Activities:  The first year I did consume a small meal before sun rise and after sun set consisting of a handful of granola, a small apple, a clementine(small orange), and a cup of tea. Then only water during the day.  The second year I intended to do the same but on the first night raccoons ate all my food.  I did not eat for 3 days, consuming only water. My intention was to be still and listen to the Lord.  That is difficult for me.  I find that I must walk (hike) enjoying the beauty of God's creation, until my body is exhausted.  Which is usually 15 mile a day for 2-3 days, then I can sit for a whole day.  Also I read.  I asked the Lord, how will I know when the voice I hear is your voice.  He said read all four gospels in a row.  If the voice you hear is consistent with My voice in the gospels. you will know it is Me.   

Phase 4: Reentry

• Keeping in the Spirit: This is important and I hope to cover it in more detail later, when I compile my notes from the actual retreats.  That being said, here is a few tips that might help:  Leave at a leisurely pace.  Do not have any fixed plans on the day you return from retreat, so that you can travel slowly.  Stop somewhere before you get home and have a light meal and review the notes from your journal, that you kept during the retreat.  Pray.      
• Easing in: The first year I had a huge American breakfast the first day back home with eggs and bacon and coffee.  Later that day I had a cheese burger and big piece of pie. This was a terrible idea. I felt very sick.  The second year I eased back in with light meals for the first week and refraining from meat and booze for a little longer.  This year I plan to try to reverse the vice subtraction method by adding one thing a week back. we will see if I can adhere to that.
• Share the blessing: When you go to seek the Lord and ask for His blessing you are fundamentally changed.  That was my experience anyway.  Ask and you shall receive.  The Blessing is for you, but not only for you.  Your cup is over flowing and you must share your blessing with others.  I hope this helps you.  

 

5 Min in My Head VBLOG ep1

Happy 37th Birthday to me. and Happy Birthday to my VBLOG! what what!
Corny people are happy people.

Get Ready for the Year of the Dog!

Thanks Joey McGee for the tunes and for hosting open mic night at the Village.

Check out Joey's Music @ https://www.joeymcgee.com/

My Favorite Bible Character:

My favorite Bible Character:

When Enoch had lived 65 years, he became the father of Methuselah. 22 After he became the father of Methuselah, Enoch walked faithfully with God 300 years and had other sons and daughters. 23 Altogether, Enoch lived a total of 365 years. 24 Enoch walked faithfully with God; then he was no more, because God took him away.

"...walked faithfully for 300 years...then was no more, because God took him..."

Amen

Follow me on Instagram

Follow me on Instagram

2017 Rewind

Bible Reflection

I was reading the Genesis creations stories and Jesus's lineage in the gospel of Matthew. It brings to mind the importance of context when assigning meaning to the life of a people or a person.  Oh the world I am born into, oh my tribe of birth, oh my tribes of choosing, oh the people I was born after, oh the ideas and stories, oh the inequities and blessings, oh the saints, oh me as I call to You, oh me to yall, oh us and what we leave to my son, my daughter and yours. Hear me oh Life Here I AM!     

Alternate Depository

I have come to realize that Facebook has become the default depository for my memories and contacts.  Although this is convenient, it may not be wise to rely on FB exclusively.  So here, I am copying a few notes I wrote there years back.  The notes feature on FB has definitely lost prominence and who knows maybe one day it will be phased out.  We shall see which of these "free" electronic depositories disappears first.

2012 flying to the end of the world

December 18, 2012 at 11:24pm

My brother reminded me that my flight home to Philly is on the Mayan end-of-the-world day, Dec 21, 2012.  So, if Philly is still there and not overrun by zombies I'll be home for Christmas. 

I've only been a dad for 2 months and now 10PM is late, even though Jane and I will be up at Midnight, 1:30, 4AM...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. It is amazing how tired you can get caring for an infant that sleeps 16 hours a day.  Robbie is now 21&1/2 inches long and about 4-5 inches tall.  He would be 21&1/2 inches tall but he can't stand up.     

So here is my top 3 things I didn't expect to happen this year, but they did.

1) Jane and I had a son! ...and man is he funny looking ;)

2) I moved to Texas yall.  If you have to ask, I've gone to see a man about a horse.

3) After becoming a dad Jane bought me a 600cc Honda Shadow.  Usually guys have to sell their motorcycles when they have kids.  I also have life insurance for the first time...humm.

People ask me if I like Texas...I like it more in the winter than the summer.  We have found a good church community called Community Church.  I have eaten some mighty fine brisket.  I live in a town that is completely obsessed with football...A&M is in the SEC and the 12th man got a Heisman Trophy.  Well it is either football or go to the George Bush Library and museum every weekend.  (actually I haven't been yet and I kind of want to go)

Okay this is life update so:  if you want to know about my family...mostly my new born go to section A, If you want to know about my Job go to section B, if you want to know about my adventures in Texas go to section C.  If you don't care about any of this unfriend me.

Section A: Family

So I almost named my son Bhutan Enoch. Bhutan because that is the country that invented the Happiness Index as an alternative to GDP for viewing country success.  Enoch because he is my favorite biblical character.  In my bible growing up it only had two sentences about him (not including getting begotton) it said, "Enoch walked with God.  Then God took him."  I like it.  It is simple and clean.  Then I found out that in order to visit the country of Bhutan you have to pay a $250 a day tourist tax.  How much would it suck not to be able to afford visiting the country you are named after.  Also people keep telling me that Enoch wrote some apocryphal book or something, so that whole name got crossed of the list.  Alternate names included Albert Franklin or Buckmister Nicoli for the future brainiac, a strong name Alexander Genghis Sherman (all know for burning villages) and Smart, because we thought it would be funny when our son introduces himself to the teacher on the first day of school, "Hi, I'm Smart."  In the End I decided to name my son after his grandfathers hence Robert Johnathan.  He will have to be smart, and strong and kind to live up to his name.    Jane and I call him Robbie, but I am sure if we stay in Texas he will be an RJ.  Oh well...more baby stories if I see you in person. I'll try not to bore you to death with long winded explanations about diaper changing, but consider yourselves warned.  

Jane is doing great.  She is one tough woman.  Jane endured 36 hours of labor and then her face was paralyzed (Bell's Palsy)...but it got better.  She is a really good mother.  Other than that on the family front I am far away from many people that I love dearly in the Northeast.  However, I am close to my in-laws and just a few hours away from my cousins Janette and Tod Hunter with their two awesome kids Margret and Zacary.

Section B:  the job

It has been a pretty busy 5 months.  Working with the CEO is fun.  I am never bored.  I have a lot to learn and this a great opportunity. I am definitely using the MBA.  Started off with marketing and strategy, working my way through the Dolan framework. Then I did some HR stuff: leadership assessments, performance reviews, staffing and compensation system adjustments.  Also, I have been doing administrative work on DOE grant funded research project.  Recently I spent the bulk of my time working on process flow in production,5s/6 sigma sort of stuff.  I probably most enjoying helping set up some customer service business intelligence software and working with R&D project management.  Or maybe it was driving a forklift that was the most fun. Next, I need to learn electronics repair, Chinese and master my ping pong backhand. Really this is important.        

Section C: Texas. 

Everything really is bigger here.  Well at least the trucks and chicken fried steak.  When they say dinner plate size, they really mean it takes a whole serving plate.  The heart attack it totally worth it. 

I am in College Station which is sort of like living at Penn State Main, except I live outside of town.  My neighbors include the donkey lady, her husband who runs the Texas World Speedway, a crazy red neck that runs a trailer park and protects his land from a well armed golf cart, and flee market through the woods.  They don't sell fleas but they do have bang'n kettle corn.  Donkeys make load noises at 11PM that sound like cats having sex.  On Saturday morning you can hear the vrroooom, vroom of the race cars going around the track at about 160 MPH.  There is also a Winery down the road a bit.  I have spent a little time there.  The one neighbor I actually talk to is my sister-in-law, Mindy.  She is pretty great.  Jane and I have dinner with Mindy a few times a week.

College Station in town, other than the college, is pretty much one big never ending strip mall that could be anywhere in America.  It is right next to Bryan Texas, the county seat. Bryan has a community college and a cool little arts and restaurant scene. Jane has been going to a few life drawing session at the Frame Gallery in Bryan.  Gretta, who owns the Frame Gallery got all the shop owners on main street to organize a First Friday art and culture night that happens every month.  We pretty much go every month without fail.  There is always great live music on every corner and people really have a good time.  If you ever come visit me, come on the first weekend of the month so I can take you out for First Friday.   

Another huge selling point: Movies are only $5.  Even without the student discount. Before Robbie was born I saw every movie I wanted to.  Oops, I promised adventure stories...but those are better word of mouth...sorry no spoilers.

Well this my version of a Christmas Letter, so God Bless Us Everyone!

-Matt

It is 80 degree here in December.

I am going for the blue on blue look.

Matthew JJ Sherman

May 17, 2011 · 

late night reflection

Wow, that was a hell of a last two years...grad school, marriage (to this hot chick I met in an art gallery), Iceland (that volcano wasn't our fault...Jane just kicked a little rock), India (got hugged by 300 drunk men on new years eve), Route 1 in a convertible (checked out a house in Malibu...$23K per month), bought a house in South Philly (much less than 23K per month), wrecked a car (crazy bad rain), joined a church (God first), buried my grandfather(RIP), four internships, and I'm not that tired. Actually I'm sort of thinking that life is good. I might start a company, or a nation state or write a book...in my spare time...Maybe next year

Matthew JJ Sherman

May 31, 2010 · 

Interdependence

I am not alone, I have never been alone and I will never be alone. The world is absorbed through my eyes, ears, skin, tongue and nose. The world is filtered through my memories, ideals, paradigms, context and dreams. My life is defined by my family, community, friends, enemies and teachers. My actions and governed by my habits, beliefs, principles, and expectations. Before this I was with God. After this I will be with God. Now I am with God. On Saturday Jane and I celebrated with family, friends, and community our commitment to each other. Thank you to all that shared in our joy. Thank you to those that traveled from near and far, and those that were with us in spirit. Thank you to each person that helped us with the wedding. Thank you to each person that has helped us in life up to this point. Most of all thanks be to God who has given us all the gift of life to share is good times and bad, sickness and health, when we are full and when we are hungry. Thanks for the opportunity to love. - 5 minutes in my head & my <3

Dream poem

The vultures are circling, circling, circling.

One more minute and I'd be gone.
He'd get life behind bar and stone.
The vultures are circling, circling.

I hold my words and still my fists
Can't stop bullets, can't end this.
The vultures are circling

Better fix that lock, on the backdoor.
Don't wanna feel, them eyes no more.
The vultures

You wear that face four hundred years.
Gotta stay strong, won't show no tears.

If you wanna see the light,
You gotta walk through the darkness.

Y'all know this is a dangerous game,
Against demons and systems, authority I claim.
You gotta walk through the darkness.

Unlock my heart, I've eyes to see.
can't classify, no, can't cage me

You wanna see the light?

Can't pay the ferryman, no money for the boat
Gonna have-ta walk on water, hope I float.

When I get there, it won't be to stay.
I'm coming back for you, don't worr-ah.

1514 oakview

First day in the new place.  Stopped for lunch on the way back from Ikea.  The drive is good.   It gives me time to think.   New life starts now.   Remember who your boss is.   Tell yourself your origin story.  Become your own hero.