Bless me father for I have sinned.

Bless me father for I have sinned. It has been 3 years since my last blog post.  What to report? 

In the past few years since my last post I have put my failed startup to rest and returned to working for a living. Giving up on a dreams is almost as hard as following them.  Today is not the day to think about my day job. Though I am proud of my work, this is my first full day off in a long time. No shop talk today. 

I am proud of my children.  They are growing in strength and intellect.  Robbie recently made the cut to go a regional social studies competition for his turning point in history presentation.  He makes the argument that Teddy Roosevelt's trip to Yosemite inspired him to start the National Forest Service.  He also argued against his own thesis as part the project.  Pretty cool for 5th grade.  Anna recently completed her 4th grade Texas history Alamo project.  Together we spent a Saturday recreating the entire Alamo fort (not just the chapel) out of candy.  Base made of brownies, walls of graham crackers, ramps and fences stick pretzels, bricks of carmel, gummy bears for soldiers and cannons of tootsie rolls with skittle wheels. I helped with the scale model, but Anna did the poster and research all by herself.  Together we nailed it! (reference to baking reality TV show). 

Jane recently had art work shown at the Frame Gallery downtown. She is really amazing.  Working artist, property manager, kick ass mother, and my partner in everything.  After her recent trip to Art Bazel in Miami she is full of inspiration and ideas. I look forward to what she will create next. 

Just last week my friend Scot came to visit which was a real treat.  Scot is working remotely and traveling around the North America. We took a 14 mile round trip bike ride to Lake Bryan,  attended the annual Arbin Christmas party in College Station, camped and fished at the family ranch in Grimes county.  We also smoked a brisket, ran the dog and gazed at stars.  Scot is a good listener and a thoughtful person.  It was a blessing  to spend some time together. 

I traveled quite a bit this past year.  Work conferences and meeting brought me to Florida, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Germany, and India. Family vacation brought me deep into Bavaria Germany, Morelos Mexico, and Zion National park in Utah. Each of these trips probably warrants a blog post of it's own, but sadly may not get them. 

Today (fell asleep last night writing this) is Christmas Eve.  Tomorrow we Christians celebrate the birth of Christ into the world.  As with most religious mythology this has meaning on multiple scales:  the individual, the community, and the cosmic.  (I wonder what Christ could mean at the micro scale). For Christians Easter is the greatest holiday because it is in dieing to one's self, one's misconceptions, one's desires, one's guilt and baggage, one's bad habits, in death and rebirth that we are saved and are becoming saved.  Easter is a mature holiday.  A coming of age, personally, in community, as humanity.  It is more meaningful later in life when you have made more mistakes and require more salvation.  

Christmas is for kids.  It is the foundation being, being beloved, Being celebrated as the children of God, being valued as individual in the context of family, community and even within the whole cosmos.  Yes, it the birthday of Jesus who will in the gospel stories become the Christ and because of that it is also symbolically all of our birthdays all at once.  Guess that is why we all get presents.  

Merry Christmas y'all! 

 

Unplugging - not just a rant I promise

In the time of the corona pandemic when mass gatherings are prohibited or least limited for the sake of slowing the spread of the Covid19 virus, we as a society many of us individually doubled down on socialization over the internet, via Zoom, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Macro Polo, email, and other communication applications.  For me, at least after the initial few months of overexposure to screentime, these mediums have become less satisfying, comforting, and life-giving and more a driver of anxiety.  

Jane and I recently watched the Netflix documentary The Social Dilemma, about the additive design of social media and other internet communication platforms.  This is stuff we knew from a variety of sources and personal experience, yet after watching the documentary we both felt that was time to heed the warnings and unplug a little.  

As a person with a variety of addiction behaviors, this has meant starting a holistic step-down detox plan.  When I quit smoking, which I have done many times in life(4+ years no cigs), I often replace the nicotine craving with a sugar fix, an equally deadly habit(death by diabetes vs lung cancer). So I came up with a detox fasting process that works for me.  Over the course of a few months, I remove 1 additive habit per week, until I am ready to fast and pray. Usually goes something like cut out smoking, then booze, then coffee, then sugar, then processed foods, then meat, then I am ready to fast.  Word to wise, if you detox and fast, don't end your fast with bacon-cheeseburger and CocaCola, ease back into a modern western lifestyle.  

So for me reducing my addition to social media, I treated in a similar way.  First I turned off Facebook and other social media push notifications.  I only have push notifications on for apps that make me money. Next, I removed social media apps from my phone. The browser experience even on a phone is less addictive.  Then I removed the home page links to social media so it takes one more step to access the sites.  This puts them at a safe distance. Now I am trying to get in the practice of only checking social media from my Desktop and not my phone  Than way I can do it on a weekly rather than daily basis. Or even if daily, not multiple times a day.

Why not cold turkey just delete the accounts.  Well because I like most of yall use social media to connect with people that I love.  Many of them at a distance.  People I may not see for a few years, but still want to keep in contact with.  I like seeing my old classmates post: Holloween and the first day of school pictures of their kids that I have never met but still somehow feel connected to.  There are some family members I haven't seen in years that I enjoy seeing snippets of their lives.  I do pray for old coworkers and acquaintances from past seasons of life when the post about troubles and illnesses they are facing.  If social media was mostly this kind of stuff I would see the value in staying constantly connected, but the balance is off, at least for me.  Too much advertising, sensational disinformation, and clickbait, and not enough real people I care about stuff, so smaller doses, moderation, and forming healthier habits.  

Much like the sugar replacing the smoking issue over the past few weeks of less social media I did binge on video games.  Specifically Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wind on my kid's Nintendo Switch.  Thankfully with the help of youtube walk-throughs, I beat Calamity Gannon so now I am back reading real books made of paper and regaining a normal sleep schedule.  Breaking additions is hard and there are temping dangers lurking.  I am also trying to add healthy habits.  This morning I ran (jog/walked).  I started last Monday and followed up on Wednesday and Friday adding a block or two each day.  Last week I couldn't run around my block without feeling like I was about to have a heart attack.  This morning I actually felt pretty good.  The total distance was about 3 miles: jogging one block then walking briskly one block.  My goal is actually to jog 3 miles at a pretty good pace.      

For Jane, it has been an interesting week.  She doesn't have a range of addiction issues.  She doesn't drink often or to access, she doesn't smoke, she doesn't stress eat.  Social media is probably the only addiction she has.  And it has been hard.  There is a constant itch to check your phone.  The irritability of that comes from not having little dopamine bumps.  The need to find another outlet for low grade underlying anxiety, the realization that there are parts of every day that are boring.  Even the people you love the most: spouse, kids, can be boring and frustrating.  Without little distractions of social media, you have to feel these feels.   It took me 15 years of false starts to quit smoking cigarettes, so this sort of detox irritability is familiar to me, but for Jane, it is the first time.     

The fruits of social media detox are immediately apparent.  Although we are both working through a little irritability, we have both paid way more sustained attention to our kids this week.  That is good.  We have talked about more important things, and we are both reading good books.  

I write this as an encouragement to myself to keep forming healthier habits, and potentially as an inspiration to anyone that may actually read this.  One of the side effects of unplugging from social media is loneliness.  So, if you read this,  reach out and message me let me know how you are doing.  I want to hear from you. My email has been the same for over a decade matthewjjsherman@gmail.com, I also still check messaging and social media apps, just not every day. :)

Bucky had 3 watches

 

OM (drawn out as a chant)

460 meters per second the Gaia dervish whirls

Reality is the only Reality 

The nucleus of an atom is to Adam as Adam is to the track that Gaia runs

If it were not for the pressure we would float away with the ocean into the void.  

The gravity of our situation is symbiotic. 

Breath and be thankful for the air, though unseen without it we are not.

All the trees share the same root. All the bird sing in concert.     

Remember, Awaken, Surrender, Be known.  

 

 

Teaching my kids to read is hard.

I decided to get the homeschooling started a little early.  Going inside a school building is not an option that I am comfortable with during this COVID19 pandemic.  I made a deal with each of them.  If they each read one children's book, then I would read two children's books of equivalent size.  It took five hours for the two of them to each read a book.

At first, it was going well.  Then, came the making up the story by looking at the pages.  Then came substituting poo, pee, and fart for words they didn't feel like sounding out.  Then came the laying on their backs, and touching each other with their feet.  Multiple water breaks, some pleading, some threats, some praise, more begging. My son who is in second grade and fully capable of reading the book he selected, was the worst culprit of derailing behavior.  My daughter entering first grade picked a book a little beyond her level but was determined to read it. Unfortunately for me when she would get stuck, my son would read over her shoulder, which started fights.

When they were done, although exhausted I was so proud.  I am sure experienced school teachers probably have much better techniques, but I think we did well.  Also, I am sure there is no way two kids in the classroom would get five hours of mostly undivided attention.

I am less worried about lesson planning, as some things take way longer then I anticipate. Like last year in April at the beginning of lockdown, when I planned a two-hour letter writing lesson, which took six days.

So here is quality time with the kiddos and the joy of hard-won completion.      

What if art was deeply linked to geography, yet made accessible to all.

Please contemplate what repatriating all the art and artifacts in the world would do for us a human society.   What if there was a decentralized network of all global art galleries, that agreed to have a reciprocal membership pass?  Obviously, the British Museum would be a lot smaller.  But imagine the context of visiting the art of the world, by traveling the world.  Images and artifacts of our human heritage in a geographic context.  To only see Egyptian sarcophagi in Egypt.  As we are imagining this, let's also imagine an international network of maglev trains and solar ships so that we could all travel the world at a reasonable price with a low environmental impact. 
 

the world is littered with sacred objects

Today I walked a labrith.  I am thankful for the person that built this labrith, in memorial park placed in a neighborhood, for public use.  The world is littered with sacred symbols, left about to be picked up by strangers at just the right time. The Word of God has been scrolled on walls, in book margins, and left lying in wait to ensnare our hearts when we least expect it.

Thanksgiving 2019

Thanks be to God from whom all blessings flow.

I am greatful for:

Jane, my partner with whom I share all joy and sorrow.

Robert and Theresa, my parents who have lived me consistently all the days of my life.

Brian, my brother who walked the path ahead of me.

Teachers who opened my eyes and my mind.

Bosses, leaders and mentors who guided me.

Friends and family with whom I have shared life.

My elders on whose shoulders I stand

My children through whose eyes I see the world a new.

The stranger who will come in the name of the Lord. 

...and the guy playing guitar on the beach this morning.